Do Women With AS Have a “Male Disorder”?
by Nomi
Below is the beginning of an article I started writing before I got distracted and started writing something else. See what you think. – Nomi
Okay, I want to be perfectly honest about this: I do not believe autism is a “predominantly male disorder.”
I have, of course, an inherent bias: I am a woman with Asperger Syndrome.
I am not a particularly feminine woman; like most people with Asperger’s, I look down my nose at impractical fancy clothes, decorative accessories, frantic attempts at physical beauty, and other superficial tokens of femininity. Nonetheless, I have never identified as anything other than female, or as any less female than any other woman – and, apart from the cumbersome physical baggage of my sex (I am not, after all, planning to have children!), I really am quite content with being female. I appreciate that women’s bodies are less vulnerable to disease than men’s, that we tend to live longer. I am relieved not to have to choose between shaving my face every morning and keeping food out of my beard. And, while some women with AS prefer to make friends with men, I often (though not always) identify more strongly with women, in part because we share similar physical experiences and practical concerns, and in part because I am quite emotional. My gender identity is both stable and of low importance to me – really more pragmatic than anything else.
Yet I still cringe when I hear the words “autism” and “male disorder” uttered in the same sentence. I feel erased, invalidated, obliterated. (I may be overreacting, of course. This would not be unheard of!) And I still ask myself, over and over, on an almost daily basis: Where are all the girls, the women, with Asperger’s? Are there truly fewer of us than there are boys and men? And what does it mean to be a female living one’s entire life with a “male disorder”? What is the nature of autism in a female body and brain?
By now I have compiled some anecdotal experiences. At AANE, the women with AS are slowly but surely crawling out of the woodwork. In just the past six years, I have seen a definite jump in the number of women members.
Most of the women I meet are quite identifiably female in their behavioral presentations, retaining many of the characteristics of self-consciousness, modesty, defensiveness, compassion, emotionality, and intensity that I have come to associate on a broad level with my sex. Certainly, they do not fit the female stereotype. But neither do the men with AS fit the cultural image of a typical man. Indeed, most people don’t snugly fit gender stereotypes. So why the association of autism and Asperger’s with maleness?
The real question is whether, as Simon Baron-Cohen famously posited, the characteristics of autism are hyperbolic versions of classical male personality traits. I do think this idea probably has some validity. But while it may be true of the men (and I wouldn’t know, since I am no expert on men!), my sense is that this concept does not apply very well to women on the autism spectrum.
September 7, 2010
Posted in: AS Community & Culture, AS Information & Support, Life
Tags: AS, AS Community & Culture, Asperger's, autism, disorder, female, gender, girls, identity, male, Simon Baron-Cohen, women
4 Comments
4 Responses
I don’t know what I think of Baron-Cohen’s theories; the statistics on gender disparity must mean something. I know they don’t mean your experience is somehow less valid or less important.
I’ve known people on the autistic spectrum who are men, women, gay, straight, bisexual. Compared to neurotypicals, they tend not to be as sex/gender normative, in attitude or behavior – leaning not toward “maleness” but toward a geeky androgyny that cares very little about “acting the part”. How they are perceived by others is usually incidental to the nature of their pastimes and behavioral quirks.
Bravo – or is it brava? I’m only now beginning to suspect that I might have Asperger’s. Like many people, I’m finding that lots of the difficulties I’ve had over the years (I’m a sort of “middling adult”), really make sense, within that context. I definitely don’t care a lot about fashion, etc., and I can get very annoyed at “girly” type decorations and/or accessories. sometimes, I don’t care about my own appearance. I also have never wanted to have kids, although I have worked with young people a lot.
But one difference between us is that I find myself socializing more with men than with women. Not in a sexual way – I just seem to get along with them better, and find them MOSTLY less annoying. We do Civil War reenacting, and I keep finding myself hanging more with the guys. If I wasn’t so darn sensitive to loud noises (and, frankly, too rotund), I’d reenact as a soldier, instead of a lady. All their talk about clothes, and babies – not to mention etiquette – drives me crazy!
I definitely feel that I’m female, but I don’t fit a lot of the “stereotypes.” So, I wonder, what does that have to do with Asperger’s?
Hello:
I´m not sure yet if I just have traits or the whole Asperger`s Syndrome. I just feel Aspie when things get complicated.
I think I´m very feminine in many ways, I´m married and have 4 children. I like fashion but I always choose the comfortable clothing that would not itch, when I have to dress up for a wedding or something I´m always on a bad mood because I feel uncomfortable, but I like looking pretty. I also love taking care of my children, or other children of my extended family. When I was pregnant I was very very happy, and became an expert on pregnancy, childbirth and breast feeding. I read all the books I could.
At high school I preferred to be with my male classmates, woman at that age were complicated for me, men were easier to understand and much more fun. I hated the way girls used to say things that had a different meaning of what I was understanding. Sometimes I felt they were not loyal.
Now that I´m 43 I find I can have very good female friends, It has become easier and I enjoy their company a lot.
I don´t know!!! Do I have Asperger´s?
I am a woman with Aspergers. I do find that I relate to guys more than girls because all the girls just have so many friends. I have guy friends and girl partners. Dating a chic helps me relieve that stigmata in my head about it being a male disorder because in our relationship, not one of us is ever the fem or butch or anything else like that. One is occasionally assertive however. Just get men out of your mind hun, from what I understand of men and women, is that women don’t understand men and men don’t understand women, and we kinda don’t understand people in general so in a sense, I don’t think anyone thinks of you or any other woman with aspergers any differently. I think that men are less empathetic to girl issues than girls are and women with aspergers are just overall less empathtic, so I guess there are some similarities to being a guy. But then we have all the parts which makes it obvious. Do you ever feel like when you talk to a guy, that they relate instantaneously to you better than girls and other guys? Or better yet, every time you get to know a guy, magically they have feelings for you later down the road that they never tell you about? It’s happens to me a lot. Anyways, back on track. I feel invisible too sometimes because their is so much more pressure on girls to be social than there is boys. Like no matter how hard I try, there no way I could ever be that social. My girlfriend takes me to gay bars, and i just play pool and it upsets her. I hope I make sense. Good luck to ya!
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