Portraits of Inspiration: Sue Brooks

By Jill Goodman

When Sue Brooks’ eight-year old son TB was diagnosed with Asperger’s Syndrome she thought, “That can’t be right because it’s too good to be true.” Finally, she had a plausible explanation for his unusual behavior—a far less distressing explanation than the suggestion one professional made: that TB’s behavior might stem from past sexual abuse. Ever since TB was three, his parents knew something was amiss with their little hurricane, whose stress levels could be visibly measured by how far up his arms he pushed his shirtsleeves—or by how he’d pull his shirt over his head altogether. Sue often thought TB was a walking example of a person who was literally “beside himself.”

As a preschooler, TB was diagnosed with language differences and ADD, and it was obvious that he had sensory problems as well, but the AS diagnosis tied everything together. It explained, for instance, why seven-year old TB was just not ready to go on camping trips with the group of children he had played with since he was a toddler. Sue maintained her close friendships with the other kids’ mothers, but had the wisdom to accept that her son would not able to participate in those outings. It was just one example of how Sue helped TB cope with life by making sure he was not overwhelmed or, as she puts it, had “no clutter” in his days. Admirably, she was able to stay calm and stick with her approach to parenting even when one of her friends came right out and said, “Give me that kid for one month and I’ll straighten him out!”

Sue is fortunate to have a lot of loving support as well, some by the luck of her birth and some by design. Her sisters have been loving aunts to TB and are always there when he needs them. Sue also makes sure she surrounds herself with supportive people from outside the family. She has a group of strong women friends who have had their own share of adversity, and who are always there for each other.

Some of her support network also comes from unexpected places. When TB was young , and Sue and her husband interviewed tenants for their multifamily house, they let the applicants know that TB just might say hello to them every time he saw them—even if he saw them many times in one day. It was important to Sue that the tenants not get annoyed with TB, as preserving his self-esteem and minimizing negative feedback was of paramount importance to her. The family ended up becoming very good friends with their tenants, one of whom was a kind and understanding teacher.

When TB was in middle school, Sue gave birth to her second son, Brad, three months prematurely. Baby Brad weighed in at just one lb. 14 oz. and Sue became ill with toxemia and had to spend a month in the hospital. One of TB’s beloved aunts came to stay at their house and help their family through this trying time.

As every parent knows, middle school is a difficult time for all children, so these stressors could have been a lot worse for Brad without his aunt’s help. Also, Sue had made sure TB’s teachers were aware of how over stimulated he could become. TB and his teachers came up with some self-calming techniques TB could use to keep himself from becoming overwhelmed. Sue speaks fondly of TB’s sixth grade science teacher, who allowed TB to keep his desk in the hallway until he felt comfortable enough to move it back into the classroom. Sue also told his teachers that it was okay if her son needed to go to the bathroom many times a day, as this was one way he could remove himself from too much stimulation. In fact, she said it was okay if he had to spend the whole day in the bathroom!

Nevertheless, middle school was a bumpy time, especially with a new baby and having to spend a significant amount of time helping TB complete homework assignments. However, by the time he reached high school, he was totally independent with his homework. Two days before I interviewed Sue for this article, TB had just passed the MCAS!

TB told his Mom that everyone with Asperger’s learns to cope in his own way. No one can deny that because of his Asperger’s, TB carries the lion’s share of coping. His mother has helped him by minimizing anxiety-provoking situations. Luckily for TB, his mother is a natural at allying herself with people who can help, and has showed him how to do this for himself.

As well as being willing to accept help when he needs it, TB knows how it feels to be needed, too. TB met his best friend in a special-needs preschool. Besides just having a good time hanging out together, the two friends are also a source of strength and support for each other—and, as those of us with Asperger friends and family know, their strengths are considerable.

While coping with her own family’s complex demands, Sue also found the strength to offer a warm haven for many other families living with AS. For many years now she has run the AANE support group in Reading. This is a unique group, because older children attend at the same time as their parents, with the two groups meeting at opposite ends of a large room. Sue has also served up until recently on the AANE board of Directors. She has contributed greatly to the success of AANE as an organization, helping many families with personal support and resourcefulness, and her courageous example of successfully parenting a child with AS. AANE Executive Director Dania Jekel sees Sue Brooks as a wonderful role model for parents. “Sue is so open and up front about the fact that her son has Asperger’s. She communicates this level of comfort and acceptance to other parents and children, too. Her own son felt comfortable enough with himself to do a presentation to his classmates about his AS when he was in 8th grade. His article about this experience is included in AANE’s booklet on disclosure, with an introduction by Sue. Sue has contributed enormously to AANE’s culture of respect for parents. She is tremendously generous and caring towards other families. We are so grateful for all that she has contributed to AANE and the AS community over so many years.”

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